Life with Letters
Life with Letters
Smearing: one of the most testing and taxing behaviours.
I got my first ticket to the Shit Show earlier in the year. My son started smearing. SEN children can smear for a variety of reasons, and I believe Gully did it as an act of protest. A dirty one. His baby sister was born in March, six months ago. Up until she arrived, I used to lay with him most nights until he fell asleep. This couldn't continue once she was born, she was breastfed and I would have to leave him as soon as she needed feeding.
His room is safe and secure. There are locks on doors, no handles on the windows, no choking hazards, only soft sensory toys to play with. The only reason I would lay with him until he fell asleep was to keep him in the bed. When left unsupervised, he will get out and jump around, lay on his back and kick the door and walls, deliberately thrash his headboard against the wall. This not only disturbs his older sister who is next door to him, but also riles him up into a frenzy that he won't come down from for hours.
The closest we ever came to smearing before baby was if he had a bowel movement while he was sleeping. He would put his hand down to, I assume, rearrange himself because he felt uncomfortable. This would then get accidentally transferred from his hand to his bedsheets, but it was never deliberate. Because of this occasional accident, I had already purchased him some all-in-one pyjamas from Marks & Spencer, the ones from their adaptive range. They zip at the back so children find it more difficult to get out of, and they can't dip their hands into their pads.
I didn't feel it necessary to always ensure Gully wore these pyjamas at night, so I wouldn't hurry them through the wash. He sometimes went to bed in regular two piece sets, up until that first night where he deliberately smeared. I was sitting on my bed feeding the baby, Gully was in his room doing some very loud and happy vocal stimming. There was also a strange slapping sound to be heard, however, and I wasn't sure what it could be. I asked my partner, Jamie, to go and check in on him. Jamie walked a few steps down the landing and returned, told me I should go in there, that the landing REEKS. Jamie is not Gully's biological father, and while he is very active in Gully's life, intimate and private care and cleaning is handled solely by me.
Jamie wasn't wrong; the smell on the landing was putrid. I was genuinely scared to open Gully's door, and when I did, it was worse than I had imagined. He had painted himself with it, painted the duvet, ripped apart the pad and flicked pieces of it all over so that there was splatters on every wall, the back of his door. All I could think was, 'how big was that poo!?!' I didn't know what to do, I wanted to grab him and throw him in the bath but I didn't know where to touch him. After the initial shock, I asked him to come to me, then I guided him into the bathroom with a couple of fingertips on his back. I showered him down then ran a bubble bath, let him play in it whilst I cleaned. I rolled up the duvet and put it straight into a bin bag, which my partner then put in the outhouse ready to be taken to the tip. I cleaned up all the splatters with a scrubbing sponge and soapy water. Cleaned the floor (thank God it is wood), the window and door. Put on clean sheets and got the spare duvet out. When I got Gully out of the bath and into a pad and fresh pyjamas, he was a very happy boy. What an exciting evening for him!
After he was collected for school the next day, I mopped his walls, window, door and chest of drawers with bleach. I then sat down and ordered 4 more adaptive onesie pyjamas, but the summer ones (short arms and legs), as it was a little too warm for him to be wearing the full length ones at that time. I was in and out of his room constantly after that incident, but that didn't prevent it from happening again, oh no! It turns out that the legs of the short onesies are loose enough to pull a pad through! So one night, I left him for 10 minutes, maybe even less. I just went downstairs and started reheating my eldest's dinner because she wasn't hungry when we ate. I put some laundry in and I called her down. I asked her to check on Gully on her way past. She yelled for me to get up there. He had had a bowel movement, pulled the pad through the leg of his onesie, and painted the window (including his relatively new blind) with its contents.
Clean up was quicker this time. I marched him into the bathroom, cleaned him in the shower then brought him back to his bedroom. I dressed him in a long onesie and made him get into bed. Jamie and my eldest child went grabbing all the things I shouted for; one of our plastic IKEA laundry bins, the surgical gloves, wipes, scrubbing sponge, a bucket of hot soapy water, antibacterial spray, a bin bag. I lined the laundry bin with the bag, ripped down the blind and binned it. Then I gave contaminated surfaces a quick once over with baby wipes, threw them into my makeshift bin. Then I sprayed everything with antibacterial spray, left it a minute before scrubbing the surfaces with the soapy water. I did all this while firmly telling Gully to stay in bed whenever I heard him make a move to get out. It didn't take long and I was quite proud of my system (I've used it twice since).
The reason I didn't run a bubble bath for Gully the second time, is because of what I had read about smearing after the first incident. I was mortified to find the same piece of advice across multiple websites: 'do not shower or bathe your child'.
Excuse me?! It was in his ears, under his finger nails!
The thinking behind this conclusion is that sensory seeking children usually enjoy water. They may smear in order to get a bath, or allowing them to bathe after smearing will feel like a reward. I can understand this, I did not like how pleased Gully seemed with his midnight bath, but not properly cleaning a child who has literal shit caked on them is abusive. You can shower them without letting them play. In and out, no fun allowed! The other information I found is about offering your child enough sensory stimulation, as smearing is a very rewarding sensory activity. It is very strong smelling, warm and an apparently pleasing texture. I do believe Gully smeared as a protest, to get me back into his room. Gaining a new baby sister has been a huge change (and challenge) for him, a new behaviour developing is to be expected. However, if you think your child is smearing to get sensory input, you can do other things to help them scratch that itch in their brain. Homemade playdoh, for example. Strong scents can be added to the recipes (e.g. baking essences, essential oils), allowing them to rub that around in an empty bath tub or over a table may make them less inclined to smear.
Another thing which has been a godsend for us is a Snoozebag (link below). This is the exact one Gully has right now, and I put it on him backwards so the zip is at the back. Slumbersac also has some in higher togs for the colder months, which I will be purchasing on payday!
